Mady + Ingrid

It was 7 AM on a Saturday…not sure why I was awake so early. Maybe I was getting ready for a wedding or worried about the success of this Pride campaign. Either way, I was scrolling through Instagram and came across a local photographer I had recently started following: @madynoelphoto.

No matter how many Facebook groups you join, meetups you plan to attend, or photographers you try to befriend, the photography industry is innately COMPETITIVE. It can actually be quite exhausting. But this particular Saturday, Mady posted something on her Instagram story that knocked my walls down. She posted a poll asking wedding vendors if they would consider themselves inclusive. What followed were prompts that encouraged wedding vendors to be unapologetic in their stance on inclusivity.

The more I learned about Mady, I soon found out she and her partner were planning their dream wedding. Not only were they planning a wedding of their own, but they also feared some sort of discrimination from local wedding vendors. That morning, I sent a message to Mady. This request for a meetup was different. In fact, it was rooted in a desire to be unapologetically inclusive in Eastern North Carolina.

What follows is an interview with Mady and her fiancé, Ingrid. Their story matters because the representation of their love gives others space to feel seen, included, and accepted. Grab a cup of coffee and enjoy this conversation with these two. No matter where you are in life, I know you will be encouraged by their wisdom.

Can you share about your experience coming out? 

M: My experience wasn’t very dramatic. Prior to Ingrid I had only been in relationships with men, but soon after we started hanging out as friends I realized that I had a huge crush on her. I think I had to reconcile that with myself but it was more like “Okay wow, this is new” rather than any negative feelings I had to overcome. I’m lucky that all of my friends at the time were super supportive. It might have been more difficult if they weren’t. I think it’s been harder (for me, personally) to come out professionally. I’ve began multiple new jobs during our relationship and I feel like I’ve always braced myself the first time I mentioned us. I’ve also been lucky in that regard but I know others have had experiences that weren’t as positive.

I: I didn’t have any grand coming out story. I started dating someone when I was in high school and so by the time I was actually coming out post graduation I had already been in a long relationship. I was uncomfortable at the thought of coming out when I was younger, mainly because of where we live. The idea of being treated fair and equitable seemed pretty foreign at the time. Many people I knew lost friends and family or had experienced some general form of hate for being themselves. Ultimately my friends and family couldn’t have cared less.

When did you two first meet? 

M: We met through a mutual friend probably seven years ago but we really became friends in the beginning of 2015. We were both spending way TOO much time at Christy’s Europub. We credit Christy’s for the start of our relationship :)

I: It’s worth mentioning that we had probably been at about a million shows at the same time before we actually met. I am also certain that I took a group photo of Mady and some friends about five years before we ever met. Social media taught us that.

How has your relationship been a safe place for each other?  

M: We’ve both dealt with so much in the last six years - strained family relationships, loss of family members, loss of pets, continuing education, changes in jobs, some health scares, starting a business, (a global pandemic!) - and I could go on, but I feel like our relationship and our home has been a constant comfort in all of that. When all else has felt totally out of control, we’ve had each other and at this point, I don’t think there’s anything that we couldn’t handle together. 

I: I believe it was our first anniversary that I described Mady as feeling like home. I think one of the key reasons is just the level of support. I feel completely supported by her on my easiest day and my hardest. And it doesn’t wane on her hardest day either. Like Mady said, we have had lots of instances where we had to support one another. I think we balance each other out well and can handle stressors fairy easily. Frequently when something pops up in one of our lives the other one is quick to say “okay, we can deal with that - no problem.”

Mady, what has your experience as an LGBTQ+ photographer been like?

It’s honestly been rewarding. Sure - there have been instances where I post about my relationship or post another same-sex couple on my feed and I lose followers on Instagram. But the number of people that have approached me and told me that they feel comfortable doing so because of what I share and my personal experiences, makes all of that worth it. I also feel a responsibility to try to educate other photographers in my area. I feel like a lot of them would like to think of themselves as inclusive but don’t realize how many people they’re turning away by the language they use or images they (don't) share.

What would you say to the LGBTQ+ people who are waiting for a relationship? 

M: My best advice is to stop looking. It sounds cliche but work on loving yourself first. I think when you focus on bettering yourself - whatever that looks like to you - you generally enjoy your life more regardless of whether or not you’re sharing it with another person. Then, when the right person does come along, you’ll be ready.

I: Stop waiting. I don’t mean jump on every dating app, I really mean don’t waste any moments of your life searching for someone to complete you. There is so much to do that has nothing to do with a relationship that will get you to the best version of yourself before you are ready to commit to another person. Take yourself on dates, go to every concert on your list, travel, finish that degree you’ve been working on, spend time with your friends, etc. My experience was that I really didn’t find my person until I fully committed to myself. And then I landed someone more amazing than I ever could have imagined.

If you could give one message to your younger self, maybe middle school, what would it be? 

M: This doesn’t specifically relate to LGBTQ+ issues but I think when I was younger, I cared SO MUCH about what my peers and my family and everyone thought about me. I cared so much about missing out on what everyone else was doing. I think it took me a long time to literally not care at all about those things and focus more on my own self worth. If I could talk to my younger self, I’d encourage her to get to that conclusion a little bit sooner.

I: I couldn’t agree more with Mady. I think caring less about others opinions can go a long way for young people. I think we also dwell on things differently when we are young. Very minor things can seem very big but as we age and go through different experiences we realize they are actually a minor event.

As a wedding vendor, I often feel like a fraud. How can I capture the essence of love when I have yet to experience my own love story? How can I work to be more inclusive so more people can see their stories represented in my work? How can I address the ideologies that keeps me in fear of crashing into my own love story?

And with just a little bit of time spent with Mady and Ingrid, I realized the greatest piece I was missing in this search for authenticity was the reality that love is never created or destroyed. It is always present to us. Love isn't controlled by the fickle nature of our humanity. Love doesn't leave when someone stops choosing us. Love is big enough to engulf our greatest fears and gentle enough to hush our silent tears. Love is not shaken by fear or hatred when others choose discrimination, misunderstanding, or exclusivity. Love will always be your greatest advocate and your softest place to land. Love always is and always will be.

There is something unique when you crash into a couple who has woken to the reality that love always was, always is, and always will be. Mady and Ingrid, your love is big enough to engulf those you are around. Your love creates space for others to exist within it. And you are both the example we need to continue finding ourselves embraced in the mystical beauty of love.